i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
