my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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