I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
