Three words: puerto rican gang bang
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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