His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
