I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
