your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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