did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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