how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
