She is in my trunk
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
