Define "chronic" masturbator.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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