You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How naked do you want me to be?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
