your parents love me but you hate me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
