you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
