Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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