i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
