Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
