he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
