hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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