had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
