I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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