I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
