i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
