she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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