I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
