May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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