the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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