Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
