Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
