just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
