I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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