I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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