The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
