I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
