I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
