the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
