I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
