xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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