highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
