dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
