New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So. Much. Porn.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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