4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
