I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
