My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
well you can't waste a boner
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
