I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
