Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
