Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
