fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
