We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
