God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
