I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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