office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
