He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
